Born This Way

Hello Suckers!

I belong to a group on Facebook called Gay, Gorgeous and 20 Something. It's normally just a fun way to waste time; answering sex polls, asking questions, etc. However, yesterday a topic of discussion was, "I wish I was straight. Does anybody else feel this way?" When I read this I grew very sad. In a book about Post a Secret, the popular website, I read one grown man's admission. "I hope my son doesn't realize I'm gay. I'm afraid he won't love me anymore." This even more than the post on gg20 made me feel that I had to address the issue of personal acceptance. On that note, sit back, relax and.....

Listen:

   

My name wasn't always Billy. Billy is the name I chose for myself. No, I used to be a guy named Will. Let's be clear. Will was a loser. Will took crap from people. He let himself get made fun off, beat up, be mentally and emotionally abused. He had no self worth. He was such a miserable little boy. I've painted this picture not to evoke pity. On the contrary, I wouldn't have pitted myself. I would have given myself a piece of advice.

I would have looked at Will and said, "You're powerless. Admit that you have no power. The world has taken it from you. Once you've admitted this truth to yourself, you can look at the world, say fuck you, and then take your power back."

I remember the day I took my power back, and it was the moment that changed my life. 

Will George strolled through the halls of Marshall High School carrying his binder. Written on it were the words "fag" and "cocksucker." He'd taken a black magic marker and blotted the words out. Nobody else could see those words written anymore. Yet, when Will looked at his binder the words were there staring at him. He was fifteen. As Will walked through the halls, his glasses were covering his eyes. He had a long mob of brown hair, uncombed and messy, falling all across his forehead. His clothes were dumpy, and slightly too big for him. His body was unimpressive and uncared for. Will turned the corner and was confronted with an all to familiar scene.  He'd run into a school bully. The bully's name was Julian. Julian held all of little Will's power in the palm of his hands and in the tongue of his wit.

"Faggot cocksucker," Jullian teased. 

The bully began to laugh. Normally Will would just snivel, try to insult back, and run. He may cry later in his room. He of course wouldn't tell his family. In Will's opinion his family was tired of hearing him weep. However, today was different. Will looked at his defaced binder. He remembered all of the times he'd been called fag, queer and cocksucker. He remembered the beatings and he remembered how he had only three friends.  As Will looked at the binder he remembered it was Julian who'd done the defacing. As Julian stood there laughing, something in Will snapped. His response came quick. 

"Two things," Will said with a bitchy wit. "First thing, yes. Second thing, what's your point?" 

Julian was caught totally off guard. He stopped laughing and looked totally confused. "What," he said. 

"You said faggot cocksucker," Will reminded. "I'm simply replying that yes I am a faggot cocksucker and then asking what you mean to imply by brining it up?" Julian is at a loss for words. At this point, a small crowd had gathered. "Are you propositioning me," Will asks. "Because I'm letting you know now you're not my type." With that Will walked away.  It was at this moment Will's power was once again his own. 

The subsequent changes wouldn't happen overnight. They would take years to reach fruition.  However, on this day he'd taken his first step. He'd owned his gay identity. He'd stood up to the world and said, "I'm gay, wanna fight about it?" He'd taken the first step towards becoming the person I am today. 

My journey was a long one, and was faced with many more challenges. At the end of the road I like who I've become. Billy George is a happy person. I look in the mirror, smile and say "I love myself." I realize that I could have stayed in the closet, gotten married to a woman, had kids and lied until I died. I would have never been happy though. Why change something about yourself that is a basic part of who you are? When you change your hair color, or wear colored contacts to change your eye color, you're just covering up the true you. So when you try to change your sexual identity in order to like yourself better, you have to accept that your basic self is still there underneath the fake self. Take out those contacts, and love your brown eyes. Cut your hair and be a ginger. Be proud to be asian, caucasian, latino and African American. Look in the mirror and "rejoice today, cause baby you were born this way." 

I know personal acceptance isn't is easy as I'm making it sound. I also know that gay culture can be very uninviting unless you're pretty and skinny and easy. Try to put aside the culture and just be. That's the beauty of being queer. There isn't one way to do it. Being gay is just a part of who you are, it's not the entirety of who you are. Just don't let others make you feel you should be something you're not. "You're on the right track baby, you were born this way." If the world is cruel, if people judge you for who you are, if people hate you and won't include you in life; just make sure you love yourself, hold on to your power and say...

So it goes.... and "I am who I am."